I had always found it unusual that in reading the obituary page, the first thing they mention about the deceased person is their birth date, parents, education, occupation, hobbies etc. They never say the name followed by the phrase “one of us”. So, last week, our beloved Cari, one of us, and my daughter-in-law, died from her 4 year battle with Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS). (A very difficult form of blood cancer) It was a hard 4 years. She did have the bone marrow transplant 2 years ago. Some of you contributed to her GoFundMe page to help rip out everything in her home to have a sterile environment and replace flooring window coverings, air conditioner and more. You were generous and it helped in her care. When one has a bone marrow transplant you must stay in the hospital about a month, no visitors, no plants, no flowers, in complete isolation so that the wiped out immune system begins to take on the new immune system from the transplant. She ended up with a completely new blood type. Her anonymous donor was from Israel. Gradually it took hold and she began a better life and was happier and healthier. It lasted about a year and a half. It has been nasty every since.
Cari left us last week, in the hospital, from another infection. This time a fungal infection in her lungs. She battled it for 2 weeks and finally her heart gave out from the multiple infections she tried to recover from the last 18 months. Every week was a transfusion and continual medications for side effects. Multiple hospitalizations. She had such a strong will to live even driving herself to the emergency room and collapsing on the sidewalk. She tried to be as independent as she could be. This type of cancer is so nasty as it ruins the immune system and prevents you from fighting off any kind of infection.
The invisible world creates some interesting coincidences. Cari died the same day as her father did exactly one year ago. Last Mother’s day she had said she wouldn’t be here for another Mother’s Day. Her husband, my son, died on Mother’s Day, again this year on the 10th. She never recovered from his death. She has grieved ever since and would many times say it was okay to leave. Her funeral is the day after Mother’s Day. There is sadness all around. Cari’s Mother, the widow of Cari’s Father, has now lost 3 adult daughters.
We are all tied to each other in a death of our human family. We must learn to understand our deeper connections of this human community. Part of that is a grateful appreciation of what we have in our lives and to remember all the priorities we place on it. Certainly money could not have saved Cari. She ran out of time. I have said to many of my followers that time is your most important asset. It isn’t money, or energy. It is time.
Now that I have reached my 80’s and putting up with the challenges that it brings, I have decided to follow my own words and appreciate this time I have been given. I will live as if my mind and body are looking forward to the future with opportunities and adventures. If some parts don’t work as well as they did, I do the best and support it as best as I can. I try to respond as positively as I can. A month ago while visiting, I fell in the bathroom on a slippery rug. I smashed the back of my head on the shower wall. Totally stunned by how fast it happened. I was alone but didn’t panic. I stood awhile to see how I was. I thought, I am not going to Emergency or Urgent Care but will wait and see how I go over the next hours or so. By dinner time, I felt okay, got in an Uber and went to the opening of the Monet exhibit. I don’t recommend this behavior to anyone but it worked for me. As we wake up each morning with another bodily surprise, I focus on what great physical abilities I have and count my blessings. It is all a reminder to take care of ourselves, be kind to ourselves and others.
Cari was so dedicated that she would overcome all of her adversities that she bought a new 2026 Tesla last September. She thought it would be able to drive her to her various hospital visits which were frequent and all the way across downtown LA using 3 freeways. She had purchased it with money she had inherited. Her hope was to live long enough for a new treatment. It now sits in her driveway as a monument to her hope and optimism. Now her daughter, who has had her driver’s license all of one month, drives it everywhere. She and I are going out to dinner tonight with a restaurant she likes called “Follow Your Heart”
The other night I heard Bette Midler sing the song The Rose. There was a verse that stuck with me”……..”It’s the Soul Afraid of Dying, that Never Learns to Live”. Let’s go live, now. And give a cheer, prayer to Cari this coming Monday, May 12th. She has crossed over.
16 Responses
Bless you, Gail. Sending love, light and Reiki to you and to all of your “one of us” crew. My numerology reading with you was a game-changer for me. Thank you for your beautiful heart and all of the light and hope that you put out into the world. The world needs more people with beautiful hearts right now. Love and joy to you, always.
Gail, I am so very sorry for your loss. I will remember to use the phrase “one of us” as a place of clear belonging when referring to a beloved when they pass and also before. A wonderful phrase to designate a heart connection among friends, a recognition of the wider family we share. You and I have shared loss in past years. It doesn’t get easier for me but, also in my 80’s now, it does expand my compassion and greater awareness of the Mystery we inhabit. Much love to you.
I want to let you know how much I appreciated you sharing the trials that you have endured this year and how you have inspired me to modify my mental attitude to my challenges. Sorry for your families loss. Thank you
Dear Gail, your message resonated on many levels. I am so sorry about Cari. She certainly fought the good fight. My heart goes out to you, to her mother, to many family members and others who knew and loved her, and cared for her these past four years.
I hope her daughter feels her mother’s love every time she drives that car — hope also that she is an attentive driver. It takes years to learn everything, and the “other guy” is always around.
I hope you have no more falls! But if you do, be sure to get help if there’s any possibility you hit your head.
Time. I have little notes taped to the top of my computer monitor. One says, “NOW is the new later.” The other says, “We think we have time.” Mel Robbins shared a post comparing life to a bowl of ice cubes. The illustration showed three cubes melting away… Must take my own advice. Time passes so quickly!
Last, thinking about interconnectedness. Reading about how trees reach out to each other with their roots. Watching videos of the Big Bear eagles Jackie and Shadow and the basic yet complicated procedures they invest in the two eggs and raising the eaglets that are now just over a month old. It’s all so amazing………
Dear friend, please accept my condolences, and always, my admiration.
xx
Flo
So very special and poignant. Thank you for sharing and waking up those moments where we find ourselves too busy yet we need never be busy enough to love all that there is.
What a beautiful reflection at a time of almost unbearable sadness. Take care of yourself and the rest of your family.
Gail, thank you for sharing this. It’s heartbreaking and loving at the same time. I will be 65 this Thanksgiving day and yes, over the past year, the body is changing to a slightly older person who I don’t recognize, but I am exercising, eating healthier and I keep wanting to move forward. I have friends almost 10 years younger or even my age (sorority sisters) who are ready to retire and like do nothing. I don’t, even if I’m not working full-time the rest of my life, I still want to be active.
God bless your daughter-in-law and the whole family. Such determination is inspiring and I so love the quote from The Rose song.
Gail, what a beautiful tribute to Cari ! I connect to your story on so many points. I have a friend that is fighting blood cancer. I have two children that have pre-deceased me. Last month. I fainted, fell and hit my head. I wasn’t as lucky as you. I had to get stitches and was in the hospital for a couple days. I just turned the corner into the 80s like you and can’t believe the way my body is behaving.especially since my brain still thinks I am 39. I have followed your advice and teachings and still work to stay engaged in life and keeping active. I do look forward to every minute I can spend with my granddaughter. Thank you for all the work you have done and all of your valuable contributions. I will say a prayer for Cari.
How very inspiring and beautiful. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I pray you are given all the blessings and grace to help you through this time. She was blessed to have you. Love to you.
Oh my Gail
What a wonderful thing to share this…
It uplifts my heart. Health issues has shown themselves and I am doing a recalibration of my attitudes about treatment. Health is precious within the time left for living. Counting on the 120 years
Take care
What a lovely tribute to your family members that have passed on to experience their next chapter. I am sorry for the losses you have had these past years and am sending joy and light your way and wish Cari much peace in spirit. ~ Madeline
Many blessings to you and yours, Gail. This series of losses moves my heart. Thank you for keeping on keeping on.
Blessings to you and your family Gail, at this time of remembering Cari, your son, in these times of transition, loss and abiding love.
My condolences and blessings for the family..
Calling on the Angels of Transition to assist Cari as needed.
Gail,
Thank you for sharing your experiences during this year of the fire horse.
So sorry to hear about the passing of your daughter-in-law.
She sounds like an amazing person who left a large inspiration.
Your granddaughter is fortunate to have your support.
Surrounding you with vibrant energy.