The first year has been healing, however. In some way his leaving has freed me to go and do what I want or need to do in the time I have remaining here on earth. When you lose what you don’t think you could ever stand to lose and survive it, you somehow don’t care any more if you exceed protocol. You can live your life full throttle knowing that you don’t care any more about dumb stuff or what people say or might think–or worse, self-censorship. You never take things for granted again and you don’t plan too far in advance as things can change on a dime. You live your life from a guided perspective rather than a controlling perspective. You now know, for sure, you can’t control anything.