One Of Us Has Left Us

I had always found it unusual that in reading the obituary page, the first thing they mention about the deceased person is their birth date, parents, education, occupation, hobbies etc. They never say the name followed by the phrase “one of us”. So, last week, our beloved Cari, one of us, and my daughter-in-law, died from her 4 year battle with Myelodysplastic Syndromes (MDS). (A very difficult form of blood cancer) It was a hard 4 years. She did have the bone marrow transplant 2 years ago. Some of you contributed to her GoFundMe page to help rip out everything in her home to have a sterile environment and replace flooring window coverings, air conditioner and more. You were generous and it helped in her care. When one has a bone marrow transplant you must stay in the hospital about a month, no visitors, no plants, no flowers, in complete isolation so that the wiped out immune system begins to take on the new immune system from the transplant. She ended up with a completely new blood type. Her anonymous donor was from Israel. Gradually it took hold and she began a better life and was happier and healthier. It lasted about a year and a half. It has been nasty every since.

Cari left us last week, in the hospital, from another infection. This time a fungal infection in her lungs. She battled it for 2 weeks and finally her heart gave out from the multiple infections she tried to recover from the last 18 months. Every week was a transfusion and continual medications for side effects. Multiple hospitalizations. She had such a strong will to live even driving herself to the emergency room and collapsing on the sidewalk. She tried to be as independent as she could be. This type of cancer is so nasty as it ruins the immune system and prevents you from fighting off any kind of infection.

The invisible world creates some interesting coincidences. Cari died the same day as her father did exactly one year ago. Last Mother’s day she had said she wouldn’t be here for another Mother’s Day. Her husband, my son, died on Mother’s Day, again this year on the 10th. She never recovered from his death. She has grieved ever since and would many times say it was okay to leave. Her funeral is the day after Mother’s Day. There is sadness all around. Cari’s Mother, the widow of Cari’s Father, has now lost 3 adult daughters.

We are all tied to each other in a death of our human family. We must learn to understand our deeper connections of this human community. Part of that is a grateful appreciation of what we have in our lives and to remember all the priorities we place on it. Certainly money could not have saved Cari. She ran out of time. I have said to many of my followers that time is your most important asset. It isn’t money, or energy. It is time.

Now that I have reached my 80’s and putting up with the challenges that it brings, I have decided to follow my own words and appreciate this time I have been given. I will live as if my mind and body are looking forward to the future with opportunities and adventures. If some parts don’t work as well as they did, I do the best and support it as best as I can. I try to respond as positively as I can. A month ago while visiting, I fell in the bathroom on a slippery rug. I smashed the back of my head on the shower wall. Totally stunned by how fast it happened. I was alone but didn’t panic. I stood awhile to see how I was. I thought, I am not going to Emergency or Urgent Care but will wait and see how I go over the next hours or so. By dinner time, I felt okay, got in an Uber and went to the opening of the Monet exhibit. I don’t recommend this behavior to anyone but it worked for me. As we wake up each morning with another bodily surprise, I focus on what great physical abilities I have and count my blessings. It is all a reminder to take care of ourselves, be kind to ourselves and others.

Cari was so dedicated that she would overcome all of her diversities that she bought a new 2026 Tesla last September. She thought it would be able to drive her to her various hospital visits which were frequent and all the way across downtown LA using 3 freeways. She had purchased it with money she had inherited. Her hope was to live long enough for a new treatment. It now sits in her driveway as a monument to her hope and optimism. Now her daughter, who has had her driver’s license all of one month, drives it everywhere. She and I are going out to dinner tonight with a restaurant she likes called “Follow Your Heart”

The other night I heard Bette Midler sing the song The Rose. There was a verse that stuck with me”……..”It’s the Soul Afraid of Dying, that Never Learns to Live”. Let’s go live, now. And give a cheer, prayer to Cari this coming Monday, May 12th. She has crossed over.